I think I need a vacation
May. 28th, 2011 10:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mis_creationOkay, so I still love my job. Most of the time. We get the crazy patrons, we get the icky items returned, and the usual hazards of the library. And I can deal with those.
But I am getting honestly pissed off when I have to work in the check in room. I really don't know why: nothing has changed. It wasn't even overheated today, which it usually is because the temperature controls in that building and that room in particular are a joke. And not a funny one.
For the last couple months, I get so absolutely pissed off and frustrated when I have to be in the check in room for longer than an hour (and the usual time in there is two hours). I end up slamming things down, cursing under my breath, talking to myself (though that's normal), and in general just getting grumpy.
It's not fun. But I can't seem to help it. I'll play upbeat music, or play music that is a bit angrier and hopefully cathartic.
There's two explanations that I can see: first is that I've gotten so used to being around people and helping patrons while I'm at work that being alone in the check in room (where it's usually hot as hell) is irritating me. The solution to that is to apply for any librarian-type positions that open up, and will allow me to do that more.
The other explanation is that I'm beginning to see the check in room as a metaphor for my life and it's pissing me off by telling me what I already know: I'm going nowhere. The very nature of the check-in room (and most of library work in general) is Sisyphean: it will never end, just keep piling back on again and again and putting you back to the beginning. And that's where I am. The beginning. Same shit different years.
I don't know how to break out of this holding pattern. Find a new job? Move to a new place? Say fuck it and move to Antarctica, where at least I won't be overheated all summer?
Fuck if I know.
But I am getting honestly pissed off when I have to work in the check in room. I really don't know why: nothing has changed. It wasn't even overheated today, which it usually is because the temperature controls in that building and that room in particular are a joke. And not a funny one.
For the last couple months, I get so absolutely pissed off and frustrated when I have to be in the check in room for longer than an hour (and the usual time in there is two hours). I end up slamming things down, cursing under my breath, talking to myself (though that's normal), and in general just getting grumpy.
It's not fun. But I can't seem to help it. I'll play upbeat music, or play music that is a bit angrier and hopefully cathartic.
There's two explanations that I can see: first is that I've gotten so used to being around people and helping patrons while I'm at work that being alone in the check in room (where it's usually hot as hell) is irritating me. The solution to that is to apply for any librarian-type positions that open up, and will allow me to do that more.
The other explanation is that I'm beginning to see the check in room as a metaphor for my life and it's pissing me off by telling me what I already know: I'm going nowhere. The very nature of the check-in room (and most of library work in general) is Sisyphean: it will never end, just keep piling back on again and again and putting you back to the beginning. And that's where I am. The beginning. Same shit different years.
I don't know how to break out of this holding pattern. Find a new job? Move to a new place? Say fuck it and move to Antarctica, where at least I won't be overheated all summer?
Fuck if I know.
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no subject
Date: 2011-06-01 03:24 am (UTC)It sounds like we both need to get away for a bit. Maybe we should take a day and go up to Estes Park, or something. Or go down to Denver and see the art museum.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-06 04:52 pm (UTC)Stupid money.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-04 06:06 am (UTC)Quoted for Fucking Truth.
I wish I had an answer for you; I would share it with all my friends. Most of the advice out there seems to be something akin to, "Cheer up! Things will work out!" but offer nothing substantial. We have to make our own path, and that's the frustrating part. To quote Avenue Q, "I need an academic adviser to point the way."
I dunno, buy books at yard sales and goodwill outlets, and sell them on eBay for a 500% markup? Being in a library setting, you might have better knowledge what kinds of books are popular. It's something to work with, at least.
no subject
Date: 2011-06-06 04:55 pm (UTC)That's an idea. But the problem with online is that there's always somebody selling it for less. Most of the profit is actually in the shipping costs... I should do that. I can just go to the book sales and get as much as I can (they have fill-up-a-bag-for-$5-sale at the end of them) and see what I can get for them.