I think I need a vacation
May. 28th, 2011 10:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mis_creationOkay, so I still love my job. Most of the time. We get the crazy patrons, we get the icky items returned, and the usual hazards of the library. And I can deal with those.
But I am getting honestly pissed off when I have to work in the check in room. I really don't know why: nothing has changed. It wasn't even overheated today, which it usually is because the temperature controls in that building and that room in particular are a joke. And not a funny one.
For the last couple months, I get so absolutely pissed off and frustrated when I have to be in the check in room for longer than an hour (and the usual time in there is two hours). I end up slamming things down, cursing under my breath, talking to myself (though that's normal), and in general just getting grumpy.
It's not fun. But I can't seem to help it. I'll play upbeat music, or play music that is a bit angrier and hopefully cathartic.
There's two explanations that I can see: first is that I've gotten so used to being around people and helping patrons while I'm at work that being alone in the check in room (where it's usually hot as hell) is irritating me. The solution to that is to apply for any librarian-type positions that open up, and will allow me to do that more.
The other explanation is that I'm beginning to see the check in room as a metaphor for my life and it's pissing me off by telling me what I already know: I'm going nowhere. The very nature of the check-in room (and most of library work in general) is Sisyphean: it will never end, just keep piling back on again and again and putting you back to the beginning. And that's where I am. The beginning. Same shit different years.
I don't know how to break out of this holding pattern. Find a new job? Move to a new place? Say fuck it and move to Antarctica, where at least I won't be overheated all summer?
Fuck if I know.
But I am getting honestly pissed off when I have to work in the check in room. I really don't know why: nothing has changed. It wasn't even overheated today, which it usually is because the temperature controls in that building and that room in particular are a joke. And not a funny one.
For the last couple months, I get so absolutely pissed off and frustrated when I have to be in the check in room for longer than an hour (and the usual time in there is two hours). I end up slamming things down, cursing under my breath, talking to myself (though that's normal), and in general just getting grumpy.
It's not fun. But I can't seem to help it. I'll play upbeat music, or play music that is a bit angrier and hopefully cathartic.
There's two explanations that I can see: first is that I've gotten so used to being around people and helping patrons while I'm at work that being alone in the check in room (where it's usually hot as hell) is irritating me. The solution to that is to apply for any librarian-type positions that open up, and will allow me to do that more.
The other explanation is that I'm beginning to see the check in room as a metaphor for my life and it's pissing me off by telling me what I already know: I'm going nowhere. The very nature of the check-in room (and most of library work in general) is Sisyphean: it will never end, just keep piling back on again and again and putting you back to the beginning. And that's where I am. The beginning. Same shit different years.
I don't know how to break out of this holding pattern. Find a new job? Move to a new place? Say fuck it and move to Antarctica, where at least I won't be overheated all summer?
Fuck if I know.
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no subject
Date: 2011-06-06 04:52 pm (UTC)Stupid money.